Can I wear a menstrual cup while having sex?
Really depends on how you define “sex,” too! As a lesbian, I have to laugh when straight people think it’s not sex if a penis isn’t going in a vagina, that’s it, no orgasms for us, we have to just take cold showers and make sad faces. If you’re really set on PIV (penis in vagina), of course, absolutely love it, can’t do without it, Red Herring has some great suggestions (and way more experience with it than I do) and I’ve heard hearsay that sponges are excellent for that. I know people also say Softcups and diaphragms (prescription contraceptive that’s like a reusable Softcup) can be used that way. And then there’s the old standbys, shower sex and just putting a towel on the bed. You’d be surprised how much a towel will absorb!
Maybe it’s that I don’t really think of PIV as a good time anyway, but I have to wonder: is it really that good when you’re gushing noticeable amounts of blood anyway? I still get horny on my period, but not for that. Clitoral stimulation is usually considered a more reliable source of orgasms than vaginal stimulation anyway–many like both, but only a few can come from vaginal stimulation alone, while clitoral stimulation alone is a common technique. Here’s some stuff that, subjectively, seems like it would be more fun to me. Many of these would be good to combine.
- External rubbing with fingers. Can I praise this enough? There is a reason lesbian movies with woman directors have such a sensual focus on the hands as sexual organs. They can be your fingers, your partner’s fingers, both, etc. You can give handies to your partner too, as you probably already know, but do YOU get enough handjobs? Important question.
- Light fingering. Good news is, your G-spot is below your cervix, so there’s no reason you can’t get in there and stroke it with a cup in place!
- Frottage, AKA tribbing if you’re both girls. This is a form of non-penetrative sex where you rub your genitals on your partner’s genitals. Can be a lubed bump-and-grind, or even clothed dry-humping. (Don’t knock it, it’s its own unique sensation!) You might be surprised how good this feels. I don’t know why straight people are always skipping it. Gay men do it all the time too, so it feels great for men as well–in fact, statistically, they do it more often than anal or blowjobs! Honestly my favorite way to have sex, hands down. Many many positions are possible, get creative! If at least one party has a penis, this can get blurry with intercrural sex (thrusting between the thighs). It’s possible to do that so that the top of the penis rubs on the vulva between closed thighs. A more classic version would probably just be humping the underside of the penis against the vulva. Or you could just grab the penis and use it like a toy. If your partner has a vulva instead, in some ways that’s easier! Depending on your body shapes and preferences, you can do missionary, “scissoring” (opposite sides one leg up/down) or just rub on each other’s thighs instead. Actually you could rub on anyone’s thigh, come to think of it.
- Anal. For some reason this gets a reputation as something women don’t like, and if you don’t, then skip it–but those who do like it tend to like it a lot! You can do a lot of things with a butthole. Rub it, lick it, finger it, stick toys in it, stick a penis in it, whatever floats your boat! No reason you can’t do at least some of these things to your partner’s too. Everyone’s got a butthole.
- Speaking of, pegging. Why should it always be you getting things shoved in your holes? Maybe your partner would like to get in on the fun sometime. Strapon sex is very versatile, and can even be done over a pad! To enhance your own pleasure, use a bullet vibe and/or get a harness that sits lower so you can push with your clit.
- Oral. As if this one wasn’t obvious! Provided you’ve showered, you shouldn’t taste like blood, but maybe your partner prefers that you do? (Hey, Twilight had to be popular for a reason.) You can get oral, give oral, 69 it, whatever you like! Also many positions possible, from the old spreadeagled on bed to standing with a wide stance + kneeling to the joys of facesitting/queening. This is an absolute classic of the human sexual repertoire.
- Toys. Nothing wrong with getting a little help feeling good! There are many toys that don’t go in the vagina. Vibrating wands are especially useful, but “toys” is a pretty wide category that can include buttplugs, nipple clamps, or your partner begging you to get him off with a fleshlight. There’s so much out there to suit every taste.
- Kink. The biggest sexual organ is the brain, of course. What turns you on? You can do roleplay, dirty talk, bondage, impact play, sensation play, really whatever turns an encounter from just mushing some genitals around to really feeling sexy for both of you. If you’re not into much that’s fine! Though I find even vanilla people have mild little kinks here and there.
Maybe none of that appeals to you and all you want is a penis in a vagina, and that’s fine. Different strokes and all that, and there are ways to make it happen. I still think it’s worth questioning the script for a moment: is that what you actually want to happen? Is that the hottest thing you could do with you and your partner’s bodies? I’ve heard from bisexuals that lesbian sex is often more fun because there’s more of this reinventing the wheel, asking the question, what does sex mean to us, what actually feels good, instead of just assuming that a one-size-fits-all approach will be what you enjoy, and you’re broken if you don’t. Instead of society deciding what feels good, we decide it for ourselves.