Can I wear a menstrual cup while having sex?
Really depends on how you define “sex,” too! As a lesbian, I have to laugh when straight people think it’s not sex if a penis isn’t going in a vagina, that’s it, no orgasms for us, we have to just take cold showers and make sad faces. If you’re really set on PIV (penis in vagina), of course, absolutely love it, can’t do without it, Red Herring has some great suggestions (and way more experience with it than I do) and I’ve heard hearsay that sponges are excellent for that. I know people also say Softcups and diaphragms (prescription contraceptive that’s like a reusable Softcup) can be used that way. And then there’s the old standbys, shower sex and just putting a towel on the bed. You’d be surprised how much a towel will absorb!
Maybe it’s that I don’t really think of PIV as a good time anyway, but I have to wonder: is it really that good when you’re gushing noticeable amounts of blood anyway? I still get horny on my period, but not for that. Clitoral stimulation is usually considered a more reliable source of orgasms than vaginal stimulation anyway–many like both, but only a few can come from vaginal stimulation alone, while clitoral stimulation alone is a common technique. Here’s some stuff that, subjectively, seems like it would be more fun to me. Many of these would be good to combine.
- External rubbing with fingers. Can I praise this enough? There is a reason lesbian movies with woman directors have such a sensual focus on the hands as sexual organs. They can be your fingers, your partner’s fingers, both, etc. You can give handies to your partner too, as you probably already know, but do YOU get enough handjobs? Important question.
- Light fingering. Good news is, your G-spot is below your cervix, so there’s no reason you can’t get in there and stroke it with a cup in place!
- Frottage, AKA tribbing if you’re both girls. This is a form of non-penetrative sex where you rub your genitals on your partner’s genitals. Can be a lubed bump-and-grind, or even clothed dry-humping. (Don’t knock it, it’s its own unique sensation!) You might be surprised how good this feels. I don’t know why straight people are always skipping it. Gay men do it all the time too, so it feels great for men as well–in fact, statistically, they do it more often than anal or blowjobs! Honestly my favorite way to have sex, hands down. Many many positions are possible, get creative! If at least one party has a penis, this can get blurry with intercrural sex (thrusting between the thighs). It’s possible to do that so that the top of the penis rubs on the vulva between closed thighs. A more classic version would probably just be humping the underside of the penis against the vulva. Or you could just grab the penis and use it like a toy. If your partner has a vulva instead, in some ways that’s easier! Depending on your body shapes and preferences, you can do missionary, “scissoring” (opposite sides one leg up/down) or just rub on each other’s thighs instead. Actually you could rub on anyone’s thigh, come to think of it.
- Anal. For some reason this gets a reputation as something women don’t like, and if you don’t, then skip it–but those who do like it tend to like it a lot! You can do a lot of things with a butthole. Rub it, lick it, finger it, stick toys in it, stick a penis in it, whatever floats your boat! No reason you can’t do at least some of these things to your partner’s too. Everyone’s got a butthole.
- Speaking of, pegging. Why should it always be you getting things shoved in your holes? Maybe your partner would like to get in on the fun sometime. Strapon sex is very versatile, and can even be done over a pad! To enhance your own pleasure, use a bullet vibe and/or get a harness that sits lower so you can push with your clit.
- Oral. As if this one wasn’t obvious! Provided you’ve showered, you shouldn’t taste like blood, but maybe your partner prefers that you do? (Hey, Twilight had to be popular for a reason.) You can get oral, give oral, 69 it, whatever you like! Also many positions possible, from the old spreadeagled on bed to standing with a wide stance + kneeling to the joys of facesitting/queening. This is an absolute classic of the human sexual repertoire.
- Toys. Nothing wrong with getting a little help feeling good! There are many toys that don’t go in the vagina. Vibrating wands are especially useful, but “toys” is a pretty wide category that can include buttplugs, nipple clamps, or your partner begging you to get him off with a fleshlight. There’s so much out there to suit every taste.
- Kink. The biggest sexual organ is the brain, of course. What turns you on? You can do roleplay, dirty talk, bondage, impact play, sensation play, really whatever turns an encounter from just mushing some genitals around to really feeling sexy for both of you. If you’re not into much that’s fine! Though I find even vanilla people have mild little kinks here and there.
Maybe none of that appeals to you and all you want is a penis in a vagina, and that’s fine. Different strokes and all that, and there are ways to make it happen. I still think it’s worth questioning the script for a moment: is that what you actually want to happen? Is that the hottest thing you could do with you and your partner’s bodies? I’ve heard from bisexuals that lesbian sex is often more fun because there’s more of this reinventing the wheel, asking the question, what does sex mean to us, what actually feels good, instead of just assuming that a one-size-fits-all approach will be what you enjoy, and you’re broken if you don’t. Instead of society deciding what feels good, we decide it for ourselves.
If you are looking for a menstrual cup that is specifically designed to be used while having penetrative sex, you can check out one of the below:
SoftCup (Which is now part of the Flex Company)
I have actually contacted several menstrual cup companies to ask for their exact reason why we can’t have penetrative sex while using a menstrual cup.
I was very surprised that a few of them asked me HOW it was possible or tell me that it’s IMPOSSIBLE???
A couple asked me to elaborate, and a few more said that they don’t have any problems with people having penetrative sex while their menstrual cup was inserted.
***Please remember that a menstrual cup will NOT prevent pregnancy or protect you from STDS***
The vagina can expand by 200 percent when sexually aroused. Remember that the vagina was made to give birth to a small human. Even if your lovers member is the “size of a baby’s arm” it’s still doesn’t equal the WHOLE baby.
If you and your partner are comfortable with having penetrative sex while using a cup, then there should be no reason that you shouldn’t at least try it. If you or your partner should experience any pain or discomfort while having sex with the cup inserted, you need to communicate that. Maybe it’s not the right cup for it or maybe not the right position. Like anything else, COMMUNICATION is the key.
For your first try, your partner will want to be gentle during the first insertion. It’s a new experience for both of you so neither of you know where things are going to fit.
I have found that no matter how soft or firm the cup is, my husband and I are able to enjoy this time.
However, for a “first timer” a softer cup might be easier to manipulate. A softer cup will collapse to the penis as it will when your finger is against it while inserting or removing your cup.
Start off slow at first. Get to know the feeling, test to see if there’s pain for either of you. Let your partner move around and see if there’s another area that feels more comfortable. Maybe it feels better with the cup above or below or even to the side of his penis. If your partner is anything like my husband, it won’t matter where the cup is positioned, he’s just happy to be inside! ?
Once you both are comfortable, you can gain some speed and momentum. People always ask, “Won’t the cup stem stab him in the ‘pee’ hole??” Hmmmm, well…..
- You can trim the stem if you are able to remove your cup with out it.
- Not all men withdraw completely. If your partner doesn’t, then he will likely keep the stem pressed off to the side.
- The stem is usually soft enough, even on a firm cup, to get pushed to the side.
- If the stem is long then it has more area to bend when it’s “poked”.
- If he gets “stabbed” it lasts for 1 sec and it’s over. Remind him how many times he’s “stabbing” you! ?
- Do an experiment…get a candy with a hole in the center, like a Life Saver. Then get a menstrual cup with a stem. Have your partner try to get the stem of the cup into the hole of the Life Saver while you hold it. Make sure both of you are advancing toward each other like you would be thrusting during sex. How many times did the stem go in the hole of the Life Saver?
- “Life Saver Test”
Again, COMMUNICATION IS KEY!
A couple of tips for success:
- Empty your cup prior to having penetrative sex. This will eliminate leaks.
- Make sure you have a good seal on your cup, also to eliminate leaks.
- Wait a couple of hours or even the next morning to remove your cup.
- Because your vagina expands and your cervix normally moves higher when aroused, your cup might be harder to reach. Allow your body and vagina to return to it’s normal state for an easier removal. If you had emptied your cup prior to having sex, you should be all set until the morning anyhow.
- If you have more than one cup, experiment with them. You might find that you and/or your partner enjoy one cup over another. Some allow for more sensations, others dull it.
I personally have one cup that I don’t typically wear for my period but I do like to use it while we’re having sex. It is a small, firm, bell shaped cup (LENA) that applies pressure on certain areas of my vagina that I find adds extra enjoyment ?
You never know if it’ll work for you unless you try it. If it’s not something you feel comfortable with, then that’s totally fine too! There are so many other ways to enjoy each other while your cup is insert. Penetrative sex doesn’t have to be one of them ?